I just did this meme but...

For Limey. Im a bit busier now but here goes:

Favorite room in the house:

Bathroom

What my throne will resemble when i build a castle:

A toilet

What my house must have no matter how small:

Two bathrooms

What annoys me most:

1)When announcers on the radio say the sponser is "coke" with that spit filled second "ka" sound"

2) When my father makes the kissing sound with his tzizsis withthe tips of his lips

What I feel bad about

When I got teary eyed at the end of elf. (santa claus is comin' to tooooooooooown)

Favorite veggie:

Anything covered in ranch dressing

Favorite fruit:

1)Richard simmons

2) Pinapples

3) mango's

Most annoying thing about my favorite fruit

1) everything

2) If you eat them for 25 days straight you get major sores, and your toungue swells up, and you sound funny when you talk,

3) really hard to cut. Slippery little critters. Sticky. More on the floor after Im done cutting them. I need a shower just thinking about that.

My opinion on whether guys have best friends:

See first favorite fruit

Liberal or conservative

a Conny, cause she plays piano (im hilarious)

What I majored in:

Not psych

Why majoring not in psych is dumb:

Every hot chick takes it.

Favorite actor:

Whoopi. (i couldnt think of one offhand, and she needs the fans)

Favorite Movie food if i went:

Rolo's

Favorite candy bar from 98-99

Skor

Candy bar I always hated

Baby ruth bars

Im a sports fan of :

Yanks
knicks
Jets
Rangers

Im a sports fan because:

The same reason im an alcoholic

peer pressure

Why being a sports fan is stupid:

Its a waste of time

Why i dont care that sports is a waste of time:

I would have to find a harder way to procrastinate

Favorite Jello:

I think I officially dont like it: But red is cool. eww

A new annoying thing that just popped up:

when your mother takes your cell because she refuses to get one on principle, then your friends hate you because you dont answer the calls.

A short baby rant for ski mom

Babies. According to a loved one they are a parasites. Think about it. First they make you throw up, make you carry them around. Suck all your nutrients, and make you feel woozy and sick all the time. Then after birth they cry (we will get back to that), not stam ( shout out?) crying, but a full blown out cry. I cant cry like that at 3 am. In fact i cant speak at three am. I just grunt. Learn to talk you little parasitic plum.

Ok then they get older, and you are buying diapers, paying tuitions, toilet training them. Feeding them more.

They become teenagers and dont appreciate anything. They scream, yell, say they hate you,and thats after all your hard work. Then they cry at your auf ruf how much they love you. If your lucky. boohoo.

Then you get old(IMH) and need help(CV) and they dump you in some home(CV) while they count YOUR money. Waiting till they day they can divvy it up.

Then there is the concept of crying. Babies will wake up every thirty two seconds and cry. The very second your head hits the pillow: waaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Oh shut up already you guiltily think. Then you march over to the baby, think about getting the duct tape, and you sing the baby to sleep. Of course you dont have the nursing advantage if your a guy. When the baby sees you they cry even more. Unless you are overly heavy and you have similar anatomy.

Babies are like parrots, they never perform when you want them to. I mean you teach the kid so many tricks, to walk, talk, poop green and yellow, then you ask the little, 4 month old ingrate to do one trick and he goes to sleep. awwwwwwwwww is the liddle baby sweeeeping? WAKE UP I NEED TO SHOW YOU OFF YOU LITTLE MUSH. NO CHOCO MILK BABA FOR YOU! you think. The you glumly say " yeah sleep, wtvr"

Of course you know that night he will keep you up. What are a teenager already? WAKE UP!

And its not just at home, i saw at least 5 sleeping babies at this wedding i went to. The music was so loud. Boom Boom Boom. Yet the babies were just sleeping away. I guess they had a little bartenura.

ok im done.

Myspace/ facebook

Just in case you need a backround..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myspace

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facebook


Its a new technology age. These days you dont exist with out a myspace account.

You have choose your myspace name carefully. It might turn into your real one.

Dont go with zanadu lover 666 as a joke, because thats how they will call up your child at his bar mitzva.
Of course your children can change their own birth myspace name later in life.

Oh and for Petes sake dude, dont go with one letter. This is not sesame street. Oh i know, you dont want people to know who you are. That makes sense. You posted all of your personal information, social security numbers, and posted pics, but we leave out a fake name. A stalker might find you. It just says "Q" (short for "q"ute) over the picture of you in a string bikini. Very smart.

Another thing i have noticed with facebook. You arent actually a student without one. I no longer have one. I am no longer a student. It was weird, at the exact moment I dissolved my account i felt that i was dissolving. My hands started disappearing. It was very much like back to the future when the dude and his family started fading because they changed the course of history.

But thats just a side point. The friending thing is the worst. First you get "poked" by "machmod arangytangertia". Um ok. You get about 500 of those a day. Then you get invited as a friend. Ok Fb protocal says you accept. I don' need no stinkin' virus from some angry pre pubescent computer geek that is upset that I didnt accept him.

The worst is when you are walking to class with a bunch of friends and about five random people say hi and invite you to drug parties. Why? Because they are your friends. Dude, (and duddetes), Im not your friend. If I knew you i would probably hate you, and enjoy ridiculing you. Leave me alone. I joined as a joke.

The there are the facebook groups. Protocal says, join them. I couldnt do it. In the beginning i didnt care, thought it was funny. But when ppl looked at me strangly for joing the collegestudentsforNambla(only kidding!) group i decided, enough was enough, and promptly turned down the "I love plastic explosives and Im a muslim airline pilot from pakistan/Terrorism rocks group".

The worst part about myspace is when you randomly click on some guy or girl. I always forget to turn down the volume. A word for the wise, always turn off the volume when in college or at work while surfing the web. I mean you click on some dude, and his "favorite music" blasts through the speakers. Click and BOOOOOM. Its never anything good or recognizable. Its some modern garabage that makes this page "cool". A cool myspace page is oxymoronic at best. After the initial palipitation, you regroup and shut it. But nooo then his 4 favorite video's start. One is pinky and the Brain, the other is his girlfriend eating ice cream, and the other two are "awesome" ben Rothlesberger clips.

Dude we dont care. In fact we all know what myspace is. A way to Hook up.

And really, people tell me they spend all day on myspace. Do they just change their templates all day. What is there to do? And the templates are horrible. Most of them make you dizzy, and you cant see anything or read staright.

A myspace page is one huge seizure.

Not posting EDIT: OK MAYBE JUST ONE iM PATHEITC I KNOW

ok im pathetic.
But I leave another copout video for ya'all. My favorite Comedian.



If you can hear this one its awesome

COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh and for you know who...

















REM


AND MY PERSONAL FAVE

The Very Best Place For A Penny

I came across this book in the ezras nashim this morning. Dont ask me what I was doing up there, or what I was doing reading kids books, I just was.

Anyways The very best place for a penny looked cute. I was tired and I had some time till They caught up to me in shul, so I read it.

I should've known what was coming. I figured it out in the middle.

But lets reset. First you have a penny. The penny was telling the story. Thats ridiculous in itself. Pennys dont talk children. I know I know money talks. Guess what. Its an inanimate object. It doesnt talk or have feelings children. Plus its hardly money. But we will get to that.

The next annoying thing was the Penny was large. It was about 3 feet tall. Thats just stupid. Pennies arent three feet tall.

Ok fine if you want the penny to be three feet tall then at least be consistent. Cause that poor penny. First the boy put him in his pocket. His friggen pocket. So now we have giant boy with giant pocket. Oh but the poor penny was slightly constricted in the pocket. Poor penny.

Not. That spoiled copper coated ingrate. He has to share a pocket. BooHoo. Another great lesson for the kid. Im sure you will be so happy when little snot nose says he needs his own room because sharing his sleeping back with his 4 brothers is too constricting.

He should have said " wow its warm in here. I love it. I dont mind the thread, the keys, the pocket knife, and the whippets."

The penny was also wearing a stupid green checkered, like the ones those boys who swept chimeneys in London wore. It is supposed to invoke sympathy for the dumb penny. I dont feel for oliver twist, or a penny with a green hat. The hat was staying on despite the fact that it has a narrow penny head wit ha presumable narrow penny brain.

Then he gets thrown in the wash and complains that he got wet. Oh boo hoo. You got cleaned. The 43 years of dirt you accumulated while you were in circulation is gone. No more snot, dirt disease, and cholera on your body. Oh and another thing, if this penny is alive he should be an older penny. Draw in some wrinkles so ur kids can repect elders and money all at once.

He gets thown in the dryer then under the bed. Thats were the ball talks to him.

First of all Mr penny looks so dumb in the picture. His feet (feet) are sticking out and his dopey hat is also. Thats right he is three feet tall again. He doesnt like it under there. Boo hoo.

Ok so what happens? WELL A REAL LIVE HUMAN BOY that doesnt talk puts him in the pushka with the hugest opening ever. The hole for it was prob a foot wide. I guess its an angular thing. Anyways that pi$$ed me off. Ok so we teach kids that the best place for a penny is the pushka. Ok. Thats cute.

Well guess what. Thats my policy too. Pennies are no longer money. I once counted out 150 pennies because they wouldnt take a check at the pizza shop and I had no cash. I got the dirtiest look. Pennies are good if you want to be heard. You Jingle and jangle em around.

You can use them while hula hooping.

You can even eat them. Its like drinking alot of water and jump roping afterwards but instead of the sloshing wurble wurble sounnd of the washing machine, you sound like an old lady hitting the jackpot at Atlantic city.

Pennies are for stores to keep things under the dollar mark. The soda is only 98 cents. Buy soap for $4.99. Buy a car for 18,978 and 87 cents. Its ridiculous. Soda is a buck. I know it. Id pay more not to get the pennies.

It happens all the time. "Keep the change."
"Are you insulting my intelligence?"
"No, what am i gonna do with all those pennies?"
"Give it to the bagger dude"
"ok"
Bagger dude: thows it right back at me and demands 3 bucks due to inflation

Then there are the people with steel pennies. My lil bro was so excited. "Its worth something"
"No its not, in fact its probably more annoying to people because it doesnt jangle as well."
"But they are rare"
"They are only rare from before the times of Lincoln, no one cares about you 1942 penny"
"Its gotta be worth more then a cent"
"woopdie doo"

( i just looked it up. The ratty ones are 10 to 20 cents! woohoo. You rich bro. The good looking ones 10 - 20 bucks and the really good looking ones never breathed any air or been touched, are 70 bucks)

You can also save pennies. My grandparents did that for years. (Like 50) and saved like 100 bucks. I bet you they bought lotto tickets with the money. Its just ridiculous. They get everywhere. Pennies are the roaches of coins. They used to buy you a choclate soda and a model T, now they get you.... Nothing.

That brings me back to the pushka guy. He comes to our house to take the money out of out pushka. Ok imn ot saying we dont give tzedaka but the pushka is not where we put the bigger bills, or coins.

The poor dude has to count out like 200 pennies, load it into the penny sack, which is bulging from the other 4 families he went to, and give a receipt. Its really embarrasing.

But hey the book said that the pushka is the very best place for a penny.

How else can we get rid of em?

(I am a big proponent of thanking hashem for every penny that i get, Hashem i was joking, poseach as yadecha etc. I dont need him teaching me a lesson bc of a blog post.)

One more thought.

Yes I read the last post and realize its not very good, and that my blog is really a place to kick back and lighten up. However on Tisha Baav I feel that i can be slightly more serious.

(Yes I did study today)

We are always looking to help people. Like that boy who runs around looking for a mitzva, yet knocks over an old lady and all her groceries in the process. He wants to stop, but he must "find" a mitzva.

The bais was destroyed because Jews cant get along. We couldnt get along then, and its pretty bad now. There are so many sects of judiasm its dizzying. Each sect has misconceptions about the other which leads to spite and a lack of achdus.

I try and not think about the big picture all the time. (unless it involves studying)
Just be nice.

The easiest thing you can do is smile. When you see someone you know smile at that person when you greet them. You have no idea the wonderful effect that has on a person. So many people are upset and stressed, but if you smile it eases the pain ever so slightly.

If there is someone you are having a fight with make up. I know its not so simple. These fights are usually years long, where the original reason you fought is long forgotten. And yes the other person was wrong. In fact, if you make up you might have to admit to that. Suck it up. Yes, there are some people that are not worth being friends with. You dont need to be friends. You dont need to be weird about making up. You can just admit the wrong. Who cares? Is your ego that big? Im sure you were wrong many times as well.

Finally, i beseech you to try and treat your parents and siblings as you would a stranger. With respect. This might be the hardest one of all. You do so much for them, but much of it goes unappreciated. Its very hard when they dont want to help you, or get nasty. Then you get angry, yell, and gain nothing.

Think about what your parents have done for you, all the bills they have paid, and all the protection and love they have provided for you. Think about those without parents. Think.

Sibs are tough as well. Older siblings boss you around and younger sibs seem to do nothing. Its so easy to let your frustrations out on them. In fact they do it to you as well. Suck it up. Its so easy to have "the fight". I have seen siblings when they get older have no relationship. You wouldnt even know that they grew up with each other and shared the same room. Its heartbreaking, and many times unresolvable later in life. That split second decision on your part to "suck it up" or at the very least to make up soon after might save you many years of heartbreak.

Something that helps me when confonted with an angry beliigerent person is to wonder what kind of day they had. I understand that little things do not bother people as much after they come back from the spa. Think about when your upset, and you blow off steam. that next perosn that crosses you path is toast. We dont even mean half the things we say or do out of anger.

Im only talking to myself.

A Tisha Baav Public Service announcement

Just want to quckly wish everyone an easy and meaningful fast.

Remember that on erev yom kippur and erev Tisha Baav G-d will test your patience.

Something will set you off, and its your resposibility to overcome it.

I already failed. Its hot so I get a pass.

Its ok to cry on Tisha Baav, some of the kinnos are remarkable. The blood that flowed through the streets during the time of the destruction of the Bais Hamikdash was incredible.

I always get chills when i read through the 10 Geddolim that were killed.

Tommorow is a day that we mourn not only for the Mikdash, but for all the tragic happenings that the Jewish people experienced.

For the family I will never have because of the holocaust, and for the Jews who are suffering in hospitals (lo aleinu), and we daven for a refuah shelaima. We daven for the souls that now more then ever have been taken from us over the past years, and hope that they are praying for us as well.

We think of the Jews that waited on line for the gas chambers while singing that haunting tune of Ani Maamin.

Yes its hard to cry for something that happened many many years ago, but dont give hashem the excuse to wake us up and give us more to cry about.

Last year when jewish soldiers were turned against their bretheren we had a wake up call. A friend of mine who went there during that period will not even talk about the events that transpired. He saw the female soldiers drop their guns and cry. They cried on Tishaa Baav. Religious and Not religious alike share in the tragedies that befall our nation.

This year they face great danger, on the most dangerous and sorrowful day of the year.

Be safe, Be healthy, and may we see Moshiach and the third Beis Hamikdash.

(ill post some crazy stories after bc they might be funny and we dont want to much laughter right now.)