A short baby rant for ski mom

Babies. According to a loved one they are a parasites. Think about it. First they make you throw up, make you carry them around. Suck all your nutrients, and make you feel woozy and sick all the time. Then after birth they cry (we will get back to that), not stam ( shout out?) crying, but a full blown out cry. I cant cry like that at 3 am. In fact i cant speak at three am. I just grunt. Learn to talk you little parasitic plum.

Ok then they get older, and you are buying diapers, paying tuitions, toilet training them. Feeding them more.

They become teenagers and dont appreciate anything. They scream, yell, say they hate you,and thats after all your hard work. Then they cry at your auf ruf how much they love you. If your lucky. boohoo.

Then you get old(IMH) and need help(CV) and they dump you in some home(CV) while they count YOUR money. Waiting till they day they can divvy it up.

Then there is the concept of crying. Babies will wake up every thirty two seconds and cry. The very second your head hits the pillow: waaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Oh shut up already you guiltily think. Then you march over to the baby, think about getting the duct tape, and you sing the baby to sleep. Of course you dont have the nursing advantage if your a guy. When the baby sees you they cry even more. Unless you are overly heavy and you have similar anatomy.

Babies are like parrots, they never perform when you want them to. I mean you teach the kid so many tricks, to walk, talk, poop green and yellow, then you ask the little, 4 month old ingrate to do one trick and he goes to sleep. awwwwwwwwww is the liddle baby sweeeeping? WAKE UP I NEED TO SHOW YOU OFF YOU LITTLE MUSH. NO CHOCO MILK BABA FOR YOU! you think. The you glumly say " yeah sleep, wtvr"

Of course you know that night he will keep you up. What are a teenager already? WAKE UP!

And its not just at home, i saw at least 5 sleeping babies at this wedding i went to. The music was so loud. Boom Boom Boom. Yet the babies were just sleeping away. I guess they had a little bartenura.

ok im done.