Squishy Squishy

It aint my style to type anything personal, or to use proper grammer, or to edit my posts, but Ill try and open up my world to you just a little.

Well If anyone lives on the East Coast around NYC they might have heard /seen the rain last night. I did too. woopie.

Well I decided to get off my lazy tush the other night and go biking. The heat had been sweltering, but the wind was picking up a little so i felt it would be a good ride.

So the sun set, the winds were whipping, I was listening to the Yankees, and rip roaring to ride.

The first rule of anything good is not to jinx it. Never say "Boy what a great day this is". Say "boy what a great day this was", because if you are in the midst of that day, you jinxed it.

Anyways, as I was riding it was really nice and smooth. I decided too take a route that I normally do during the day, because there is less lighting, and I would have to bypass a part of it. But it was so nice out, and this way is so much nicer, I decided to go for it.

Ok.

So far so good.

Well Im riding ladedadodeedoo and i see the most unbelievable flashes of lightning. Really cool. I was right by the water and I saw some great water movement. I heard the wonderful rumble of lightning in the far distance. It was great.

At that point the Yanks just came back to tie the game in semi dramatic fashion and I was pumped.

Then it happened. "Boy this is the bestest ride ever" I thought.

Stupid Celly, Optimism is for kids.

So after they tied it, the yankee guy says thats its raining in the Bronx. Still for some reason, even though I was pretty close to the Bronx at this point, I was convinced that I would be fine. I would make it.

Then he said "wow this is not just rain, this is a monster storm."

Uh Oh.
Stupid Celly
Well I braced myself. I saw the most beautiful and craziest lightning.It illuminated the Bridge and it was a sight to see.

Then out of no where. Crash Boom Bah. No, I didnt fall off my bike and cause a crater, i heard LOUD LOUD crashes of thunder. I jumped out of my skin until i remembered that the angels needed to use the can too. But sheesh.

Ok so then It happened. You can not imagine how big and fat these drops were. They felt like hail. Plip Plap Pliap Plap. I was soaked in 10 seconds.

Oh boy how great.

So then i started singing in the rain. That was dumb. Note to self: when riding in between the raindrops concentrate on keeping control of your bike. Dont sing Mama Rochel off key next time.

Well its coming down now, but nooooooooo, hashem reeeeeeeeally wanted to sprinkle that Bracha (which it is btw I dont want to get hashem angry at me) because between the wind and the rain, the cars were rockin, and the car alarms were going off. I couldnt see. So at that moment I decided to invent windshield wipers for the eyes. Then I wondered why humans havent evolved those. We need them, trust me. I was moving at 2 miles an hour against the wind and the rain.

At this point I thought this is it. Celly is stuck. I would whip out cellys cell and call for help. However it was raining so hard was afaid to take it out of my pocket. Onwards.

Oh and dont ever do this, Im just crazy.

Well of course as i was trudging along I see a cop car in the middle of the road. So i went around it. Note to self: If there is a cop car in the Middle horizontally in the road while there is a storm going in, dont go around it.

Well I kinda saw the yellow tape and all before the cop car, but i did not need a detour. Really. So i inched on. Then behind me I heard the skuaeeeeeeeeeek of those cop car brakes, then woiooooooooooooooooooooooo wooooooooooooooo. Again my heart palpitated. That was so not cool of them at all. They were laughing at me. I must have looked like a wet paper bag on acid. Anyways I turned around and detoured 11 blocks out of the way.

Now of course this entire time i was listening to WCBS 88 because, like DUUH, the game was suspended for the next two hours. They kept on describing how horrible, and dangerous, and stay inside, etc. Thanks alot morons. Oh and even better "There is a storm warning in the NY area" Its not a storm warning, its a storm happening. Shizzle.

And yes the storm was even WORSE where I was then in Da Bronx.

Then there are the cars. I couldnt ride on the sidewalk, niot that I ever do, but in certain spots you dont have a choice. Well anyways I hear it. Hooooooooooooooooonk
hoooooooooooonk.

Note to self : dont attempt to take left, right, or both hands off the handlebars multiple times to try and give anyone that honks a poor wet boy, the finger. They wont see you anyways.

Well lets just say no one, including the escalade with license plate number a--man (I dont like Seinfeld really but thats a sweeet reference), stopped for me. Nor did they mind splashing me when they passed.

Ok, so how much worse could it get. (Ok thank hashem I was safe bc it really was dangerous)

Well I was going down a hill and my breaks werent working anymore, and my sneaks were slipping off the pedals, but that wasnt so bad.
There were three worse things.

When a person is that wet, and wearing clothes, its very uncomfy. Very. When I stopped the first time, I had to kind of lean back on my heels to make sure that the clothes didnt hang in bad spots. Certain areas cant be too hot and cant be too cold.

Plus my sneaks were soaked. When i stopped it sounded like my toes had gargled salt water then someone squished it out of their cheeks in buckets. I had some fun swirling it around in there.

Next of course is when suddenly it kinda stopped raining. The wind was howling, and i thought that i would be the first person to get hypothermia in 100 degree weather. Yay.(CV)

Well I actually asked hashem to make it start again, because i was so uncomfy.

So it did. Im not exactly Choni Hamagel. but it did.

Lets just say the grass is ALWAYS greener.

Well, ok. I got home. Soaked. I went through the garage into the laundry room.

Perfect. I looked left looked right and saw ok the coast was clear.

It is not easy to peel off wet clothes,(Think of a Rhino with those threed opey toes tring to strip off his clingy sweaty smelly undershirt, that says: " I went bikie riding in the rain and allI got was this lousy T-shirt" I know LOL)

but i figured the laundry are was a good place to start.

Well anyways i was stripped down to soaking wet boxers and i hear vrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Thats right folks. The garage door was opening. I hear mommy, sis, and possibly a B.I.L. So I shout. No BIL no BIL. So mom says "no bIL". And befoe i could run upstairs dripping boxer boy was there in full glory. Not a pretty site. Then they run upstairs as I dump everything in to the wash, and I hear ewwwwwww grossssssss. etc.

Well my shower was pretty quick and my fingers and toes were iddy biddy raisenets. Yippee.