Girls never catch on, do they?

(Sorry about the bad and not really entertaining post but I felt i should give u guys something. Im swamped with work. again.)

There are many annoying things about girls who follow sports.

(Ok some girls really know about sports, but they are broadcasters)

1. Most girls arent following the sport they are watching, they are following the tushies. Im serious. The uniforms are really tight and there are constant close ups of these guys. If you listen closely, after a great play you will hear "boy thats a great tush. er i mean .. catch!" Those tight uniforms were a ploy to get more women watching the sport. Little did they know that men would stop watching because
a) they are not interested in seeing every hair and line in David Ortiz's tush
b) They wanted to get "away" while watching the game. Burping with your wife doesnt seem to cut it.
(yes Im aware of the tush patting thing, Ill try and explain that one away when im feeling witty).

2. Girls become overly obsessed with things. Of course you are thinking "Celly those big fatso's that paint their faces green are crazy and obsessed, lol!" I have news for you. Those poeple care at the ballpark, get their attention, then they go back to getting mentally abused by their bosses, children and wives. Then they go eat. Alot.

Girls however are really obsessed. They quickly discard the Garfield posters, barbie dolls, and chad Michael Murray posters, and then proceed to paint huge interlocking NY's on their ceilings and put up posters of their hottests, i mean favorite ballplayers.

Part 2: How to get girls to watch games when they really dont want too.

1. The superbowl. The biggest myth of the superbowl is that the commercials are good. Ahahahahahahahaha. Its clear to me that my great great grandfather was sitting around a table with his buddies (ok not mine but you know what i mean) and was desperate to come up with ways to watch the superbowl.

They all decided to leak to Oprah's great grandmother that women were missing out on great superbowl commercials. Then every woman "demanded" that they watch the superbowl every year. Genius.

Oprah is a magic woman or shamen that has a grip on every woman in the United States. I dont get it.

Of course generations later the men came to believe it too, and the advertisers felt they should try and be funny, and then the networks charged a ton of money for the spots. Yes the beer commercials are good, and the car commercials are usually stupid. We know. Stop yammering.

2. "There are only 2 minutes left". That my friends is one that you must use sparingly.

Scenario: Wife: Hey there Chuck(norris) you have been watching this historic NBA finals game for 2 hours now, I want to watch "Powder" its on ABC.

Chuck: Um ok honey , listen there are only 4 and a half minutes left to the game.

4.5 minutes later.

Wife: Hey chuck time to leave. The girls are here with their poodles.

Choked: Umm listen there are 4 minutes left. Soon. Only four minutes.

Wifey: $#*& you liar you said there were only 4.5 minuts left 5 minuts ago.
Chuck: There are i promise. *looks deep into her eyes* Would i lie to you?
Wife" throws the Mug that has the liquid in the lining that u freeze at his noggin:
"Yes! When you told me this ring Im wearing was diamond, not out of a crackerjack box!"

Chuck: Oh you know about that.

Wife: Thonk.

All men who follow sports know that between 1) Time outs
2) TV time outs(comercials
3) Two minute warnings
4) Distubances (Like streakers and stuff)

Four minutes at the end of a game can last an hour. Teehee. But it works once every couple of years, and only one per girlfreind/wife/mother/sister. (my sis it took some more time for her to catch on, but it was different sports.)