Stop!

Signs.

They are amazing things. Come in all different forms. The first thing they tell you is stop once then again. Of course no one does.

The best part about stop signs are the fact that people never actually come to a complete stop. Its says stop buddy. Let me tell ya, ask not what your steel toe Docs can do for you, but what you can do for your steel toe docs. Thats right folks, they save toes. I was crossing once and this suburban (a friggin full size SUV) rolls through the stop sign. Ah, but not just through the stop sign but over my toes. Didnt feel a thing. Not because they were numb. You get my drift.

Just a side point, if you are 4 ' 10'' and a woman, or even a man,
1) It looks weird when we see the tippy top of your head and your fingers and maybe, just maybe a flash of eyelash over the steering wheel when you drive an enormous SUV. It doesnt make you any bigger or taller(ANYWHERE).

2) Dont roll over people toes. Its just wrong.

Ok as I was saying. There are two scenarios that are NOT laid out for you in the NYC drivers permit handbook. Four Way stop sign scenarious that is. Ok so your yelling now, YUH HUH.

well hear me out dogz:
1) 4 crazy stop sign rollers(or worse) come to a stop sign. They all assume the others will stop, four car pile up(cv).

2) 4 out of towners are sitting on the stop signs they come to and painting the letters over to make sure everything looks as pretty as back home. (ok the Out of town rant is for another time, but bottom line, NYC rocks. Unless your a pansy of course.) They all just keep doing the hand waving thing letting the other person go. They are waving so frantically that you feel a sand/garbage in the streets storm begin. Of course they never once honk their horn.

The question is: which scenario is better? One or two. Assume everyone is ok.
If you are are a New Yorker you pick one. Why? Because it akes less time for the cops to come fill out reports, tow the cars away, and take a cab too work. Out Of Towners will choose 2 because the signs DO need painting. (Maybe a nice magenta)

Of course scenario two won't last long, as a New Yorker comes out from behind, honks a few times. Kills all 4 drivers, takes thier wallets, CD's Jewlery and strips the cars down. That is actually quicker then number one. Pick your poison.

My favorite stop signs are the Human ones. Thats right. The guys who dont want to actually do constuction are given a red flag and an orange jacket. HAHAHAHAHAHA. That little red flag aint stoppin nothing. I feel for these guys, as they have to time the traffic and at just the right time, they jump in. If they are lucky we wont be scarping him off the pavement. I kid you not.

Last but not least you are bikeriding, and you come to a stop at a stop sign and right behind you a huge hummer barrels through it. You of course check it out, smile and wave as they shout out something to you that sounds like this:
"efwf wrethgr
weffwef ffe qregqer"

The words are kind of jumbled at first.

Then as they pass the words kind of straighten out and you hear clearly. " Hitler was right". or "Your mother is a _________."

You promptly speed up and then realize if you cant catch spandex,you aint catching those guys. Plus they are bigger than you and they might kill you in various ways.

Instead you laugh at how STUPID hummers are because they guzzle gas.
It must cost a million bucks to fill that thing.



Then you pedal right on though a light.

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** Hi.