Start Spreadin' the News.

Its not in my job description to write about my day. However I have some random thoughts on last nights Yankee win.

First off if you have a short legged heavyish friend going to the game with you, SLOW DOWN. He cant keep up with you.

Also the whole stadium is a tease. You start walking up the ramp, and it keeps going. and going.and going. But then you see it. An oasis of hope. Yoy are done walking up. Uh no its just the lodge section. Keep walkin' fatty. At this point you cant breath. You wonder if that heavy lunch was worth it. You start cursing out the yankees, your shoes, bin laden, and entemenns. It always comes back to them. Then you smell it, the hotdogs/urine/popcorn smell of the upper deck. You feel right at home.

You catch your breath but then you see something that takes your breath away. What did celly belly see? He saw the kosher stand. The friggin kosher stand.

So based on the last few posts that you havent read or COMMENTED on you think "oh here we go again he will talk about how he loooooves hotdogs and now he can get one at a game."

Bzzzzzzt try again idiot.

You cant tell me that a hot dog can ever be worth 5 bucks. Ok if i was hungry i would buy one. But one is never enough. And then you need a drink. Thats 14 75 baby. Armed with a hotdog I was ready for the game.

Another thing I noticed is how people(ok it was me) with no rhythm should not cheer and clap with the other fans. For example. I heard dadadaddum on the loudspeaker and I screamed chaaaaaaaaaaar... dadum. darn. i missed my que. I always jump the gun. Oh and when the entire stadium takes off their cap for the national anthem, and you are wondering why you are getting stares from fellow fans, TAKE OFF YOUR CAP. ok.

3) And so it happened. That bottle of water (2.25 no jokes) wanted out. So i figured i would get a quick repreive. I would go in and out and run back.

I get to the restroom, running at high speeds (and there is alot of momentum there trust me), when I see the sign.
"men"
That magic word. That was the only thing i saw obviously as I rammed into this huge dude waiting to get in. That almost threw a wrench my ever so delicate balance of holding it in. I also contemplated usuing the womens bathroom, and made sure I had my affairs in order before mt bladder expoded. (Of course I heard crazy cheering and though i ws missi ng exciting play.)

Well the line was long. There are many stalls in there but the line was still out the door. I had tears in my eyes. Tears of desperation. I started asking hashem why beer blocks ADH production. Why! Anyhow i finally got in. Its not a pretty sigh. Blech.

There is also such a thing as proper bathroom ettiqiute. Its similar to the way one behaves on the subway in NYC. No eye contact. In a bathroom you better look staight aheadat that wall. That wall was the most interesting think I have ever studied. It took on a life of its own. (Thats cooler if you read the yellow wallpaper (n) .

Ok so i messed up. Dont ever look over. ever. But I was curious. Its not what you think. The guy was in in the line of sight of my wall. He was holding something over the stall, but with my rigorous concentration, I couldnt quite make it out. So I slightly turned. Slightly. The dude was no happy. He was holding his fries. He bought fries (probably for some sucker friend of his) and brought them in with him. I cant tell you how nasty that was. But what they hey they are yellow anyways. Can you imagine what micro organisms were floating around. And really think for a second. The fries were close to my nose, very close. I couldnt smell them. Ok lets move on.

GD bless America! That bothered me. No not the fact that we sang it, the fact that they put that up on the screen with an exclamation point. Its so nerdy. Its sounds like this this in my mind.
gd(ok fine) bless(still ok they might even get the whole thing in ) Americ- a! What the heck? Oh they want me to be excited about America. But i didnt realize. Oh shizzle. Now I have to read it again.

will you marry me joan? (oh crap its gone now).

Oh right. The game was good. Blaylock almost ruined it in the ninth. Phew. Oh and the friend I went with is hilarious.