Its not Poop.

I just want the good animal lovers out there to know that

Its not poop.

When an animal feels the need to relieve itself: its not poop.

Lets examine birds.

Birds are carefree, light, and some are yummy.

But guess what. The stuff that comes out of them. Is not poop.

I dont care if its white and doesnt look to bad. I dont care if it doesnt smell bad. Its not poop.

Poop denotes a better more worldy type of creation. Something you put on top of a banana split. Yeah, "can i get some poop on this sucker please?" Think of the alternative.

I am not crude enough to say it.

I once bought a brand new shirt. I was very happy with it. It was 40 dollars. It had a little horsey on it. The horsey was white. That made it cooler. Because you are wearing it but you arent.

Anyways, Im on my way to class, and i feel plip plip. 2 plips. Plips can be a bad sound.

First you check for all credit cards and licenses. Then you do the head pat. Ok nothing sticky. You think: maybe it was just rain. But no. You look down, and you see what looks like Guacamole on your shirt.

It wasnt poop. I was mad. Real mad. I wanted to hunt for quail. My beautiful shirt.

It made a you know what on it. I ran to the bathroom. The bathrooms in school are nasty. The mens bathrooms are nastier. I always wonder what womens bathrooms look like. I once used the womens bathroom in Canon Mountain, New hampshire. I got a strange look. It was glorious . I did wonder where the urinals were though.

Anyways. I turn on the water. Trickle trickle. Of course there is no paper towel to be seen. Just those stupid blowers. That blow cold air. They save u from aids. Can't they just tell us they are too save fricken money? So you go into the stall to grab some toilet paper. The half ply, see through, you better triple me up, kind. But the stupid roller thingy is of course 2 pieces at a time. *Pull* rip *pull* rip. argh!!

Five minutes later i had enough. Class was in 5 minutes and the green mess was getting dry. I was so mad. Girls do not dig bird "Mmpgh" stains or Guacamole. I was so gonna show it off. (i know hashem works in mysterious ways).

Anyways i re-trickle the sink and the toilet paper disintegrates. Oh great. I used it to no avail.
I went to class. I felt as if an elephant went on my shirt. I set in the back back of the lecture hall. Capacity was 250. There were 40 ppl there.

Gary Larson was correct this is how they see the world.


Where was I. Oh yes. I brought the shirt into the cleaners. He thought it was a food stain. He tried to get it out with his fingernail. Grossness. I didnt say a word. He said it would come out. It didnt. I hope he licked it too. I still wear it. They look like cig burns now.. Yay.

Of course bird lovers dont know this. Its always. Awwww did u poopie on the cagie? Did u poopie on the floorie. Did you poppie in the food it *continues mixing*. Its disgusting. A new word is in order. How about. Sfachenhaftel. did u Sfachenhaftel on the floor. Gross!!!!!!!!!! Ok im trying too hard.

Anyways its not just birds. Dogs have pooper scoopers. huh?? That looks pretty close to what I do. (Pun intended). Do we go to the pooper room? Do we sit and poop? I dont think so. In fact an alternate word is one of the 7 dirty words prohibited by the FCC. Not so glam. So why do dogs have a pooper scooper? It would make my life easier. Ill go where I am and scoop it. With a bag.

Oh and how do dog owners take a plastic baggie and invert it. Then pick up that stuff. Do you think there are no holes in the bag at all. Little ones but still big enough for me. Two layers of latex gloves and a blindfold. I dont care how cute the tush it comes from looks like. If a person with a cute tush did that u wouldnt baggie that, so if it has a furry tail it makes it all better?


The of course there are bunnies. Those litte round things. They look like little candies. You roll em around and they make that marbley sound. awwww. soo cute. The rabbits stuff isnt even poop. its just "droppings". Rabbit "Leket". It just gets left behind for others to take. Im waiting for the Jewish companies to bag it and sell them as multi vitamins. Lemme see the composition of these droppings. I guess since they are droppings you just wash them off in the sink. Inside are little diamonds.

FYI: When it comes to animal fertilizers, the best readily-available fertilizer is rabbit droppings. Rabbit droppings have the highest nitrogen content of any of the commonly available barnyard manures, such as cow, horse, pig, etc. Rabbit droppings are small, compact, and nearly odorless. One organic gardener described them as “miniature, time-released, fertilizer capsules.” If you raise rabbits, or know someone who does, you’ll have a source of one of nature’s best natural fertilizers.

We have our rabbit friends living atop our earthworm compost pit. Rabbit droppings can also be called “earthworm caviar.”

The fertilizer provided by our earthworm compost pit is about the best you could find anywhere, and it’s “free.”

Sorry, not droppings, Caviar.
I cant believe i just wrote this. Im not even reading it. *Post*

edited for Henri's comment.