A fresh thought

Some one sent me a picture text this morning that got me thinking.

It was titled: "I need fresh rolls"

The person in the picture was a holding a roll of toilet paper.

Well this same person taught me many valuable lessons. One is how to tavel on the train with shilshul.

It always happens at the wrong time. You swipe your metro card you get on the train, and then you hear the *ding dong* of the train and as the doors are closing you hear it. *Rumble*. Well the train makes that sound when it starts moving. Then you feel it. You actually feel the rumble. Ok, i must be Hungry. My tummy rumbled. Cute.

Then you pat it. Just to reassure that you will fill it later.
Big mistake.
Without that pat you might have made it. Now you will make it. In your pants. Thats right, that little touch to the food satchel cascaded a massive avalanche internally. You think. " White noise". That means your brain is adapting to this develping situation. It must do so quickly.

You cant appreciate how many little bumps and jerks occur on the subway until you have to go. So at this point you hold your legs together warp your arms around them in a fetal position, and pretend youre praying.

You would pray, but you cant. You have to start strategizing. So far the train hasnt stopped yet. Will you make it when the train pulls out of the next stop? You need more energy for that.

The rumbling is in full force and your tummy at this point is liquified. And it kiiiiils. Jabs of protest are coming out of you. You are not gonna make it. So you think. Ok im coming to 34th. There is macys. I have to walk up three flights of subway stairs 2 blocks to uptown to 7th avenue, make my way through a sea of people in the store, ask for the key, lay out toilet paper, (thats just gravy) (haha). Or you can stick it out.

You stick it out.

Now you are at Lex and 63rd. You have no idea whats near there. You know there are for sure places you can go, like your former place of employment or your ex-girlfriends place, but you would really rather wear a diaper then do that.

The train jerks to one of those unknown stops. Yee hee! you shout in the michael Jackson voice. You hope everything stayed wehere it should.

Ok now you are headed home. You need something to concentrate. You think about what caused this. You think back to that morning at the bagel store.

flashback

You walked into the store. There was a long line. Your bus is coming in two minutes. Great. Well it gives you time to plan the meal. Tuna everything bagel. Lightly toasted. Powerade on the side.

U get to the front. " what would you like?" Through the stained and dirty glass window you look at the spreads. The tuna is orange. You wonder of thats that normal color. Oh wait. Someone else ordered tuna he is scooping it out. Or at least trying too. As he hocks at it you hear the *ting ting* while he labors to get the tuna out. But you really want tuna. "I need the chisel!" you hear him say. Ok Plan B.

The pasta salad has olives in it. Green ones. You kinda like tha. You had never seen that before here. You ask for the pasta salad awith the olives. The guy gives you a quizzical look. Who puts olives in pasta salad he asks?

Ok plan C.

The egg salad is also orange.And crumbly. And there are shells in it. But shells are ok i guess. You hoe thats not white fuzz. White fuzz is worse then olives.And hey, maybe orange is the color they use to keep bugs out. The pesticides. Plus the inside looks yellow. You ask for egg salad. Scooped from the inside. With tomatoes. The red ones.

You look at your belly. Yup he wants more. "And give me a cookie, no two, yeah those on the left, 4 crouusants, a cheese danish, a coffee and a bagel with cream cheese.". Oh yah the powerade, OJ and snapple are all mine. MMMMiiiiiine ahahahahaha". You slow yourself down. The crazed look is back. You need to pretend its for the whole office.

Ok at this point you miss your bus. So you start on the bagel with cream cheese. They put way to much of it on. There are 4 inches of bagel and six of cream cheese. No thanks. U spoon it off.

U try to spoon it off. The guy had a huge backside. You slipped. It might still be there.

Anyways. You eat and eat, and after the OJ you are ready to catch the 11:30 bus. The cream cheese was yellow too.

Later even though you were slightly ill you had the egg salad sandwich. You dont even like egg salad. Unless its cholent aggs. Its also orange. You are feeling brave. Your co workers are screaming "go go go go go celly go celly go go". Ok those are the voices in your head. But you eat it.



You are almost home. Sweating, and you have lost all circulation and feeling in your legs and other places. But you made it.

Uh oh

During this flashback you were spacing out.
" You shouldnt be looking at my girls friend punk"

He lifts you up ever so slightly by your shirt.

He screams and backs off.

Shouldn't of had that egg salad.

Oh and for all those who want to know...