Weekend trains

Bing Bong.

Well Im on the train. I mapped it out perfectly. I take the F to the Q and bammo, Ill be there in 1.5 hours.

You notice that the train is smelly. Very smelly. You notice a pile of newspapers an old duffel bag, and a drunk homeless guy underneath...

Gross.

How can this happen my brothers and sisters? Oh thats right. Its the Weekend.

People say not to go to the hospitals on the weekends, because all the good staff have gone home for the weekend. Id venture to say that getting the wrong operation might be less painful then taking mass transit on the weekends.

Take a few months back. I had to take the F to the Q. Simple enough. Ok so I needed a few extra minutes to account for less trains on Sunday morning, but i should have been there in an hour anda half.

Well. Im on the F then I get on the Q. The Q train is gross. Its the weekend. So why bother cleaning up? Why bother cleaning up that pile of newspapers, the duffel bag, and the the.. smelly homeless guy underneath? Isnt Gulliani the one who started homeless pounds? Take him there!

Then you realize on top of the smell there is the no air conditioning. The "windows" on the train are open so we get the fresh subway tunnel air into the train.

Ok though . Im a tough NY'er. I am a risk taker. I peer at the door between the cars. I will ride between them. I takea deep breath, and pull the door... and pull the door... oh @#% its locked. Locked!! They never do that. The homeless guy is stirring, and he is now moving the trajectory of the smelly air into my direction. Grossness dude. Grossness.

You ignore the black spots. Here's the tentative plan B. At the next stop switch to the next car.

Ok. You get off the train. You run to the nexy train. You drop your CD player. You miss your train. UgHHHHHHHHHHHH. The next one will be here in 20 minutes.

Finally the train arrives. At the next stop the train stops. You hear that voice of the teacher from Charlie Brown come over the loud speaker. You know, the mwha wmah wmaha voice. Basically this train is stopping here. Thats not good. You have to either take the N to the z to the 1 2 or 3. Or you can take the temporary busses that will drop you an extra 15 blocls away from your destination. Grrrr.


I took the bus.

Then there was last weekend. All you needed was to take the F train straight. After your whole weekend of partying (ok fine we played with oujia board looking for ghosts) it wasnt easy to wake up at six. To reach a class by nine. But you did it.

So you are ready for your nice long ride on the F. You can fall asleep or read or do anything you want. You fall asleep. When you wake up you see a weird stop. Where the F are you? The train stops. You hear the anouncement. "The F train, due to construction will reroute and go to Euclid ave." If you were smart you would swit to the G on Hoyt which is doing the F trains run. Um ok.
That makes a lot of sense. The g can do the F's run, but the F cant switch tracks.

Bing bong. you of course hear the message but it doesnt really register. You do notice the once crowded train is empty. There is the one black dude. You are so lost you have 2 options. Both make you look like an out of towner. One makes you look like a nerdy out of towner.

Instead of lookinjg at the map you ask the black guy. These guys know the trains backwards and fowards.

"Hey dude, I need to get the ________ ave. Where are we and how do I get there?" So he says, let me show you on the map."
Great. Now you are the Nerd of the Herd Out of towner from the Hicks. Or even worse, Europe.

He points to the tippy top of brooklyn. "You are here." (Jeez ). He points to the lower part of brooklyn. "You should be there."

Take this train back to [he points] hoyt"." Oh hehe hoyt for the G right?"

Well you have 10 minutes to get to class. Its at least a half hour on the train back.
By some miracle you see an express A across the tracks. You run over the the conducters wondow not caring that ONLY blind, retarted, or sick people ever ask for help from the conducter. That includes murder. But you are so giddy that youll get the Hoyt faster you shout to him over the noise: does this go to Hoyt bro?"

You pause. You could have sworn you heard your voice over the... oh no. He was making his anouncement. It was clear as a bell. So was your dumb question. You apologize. He waves u in the car. Now EVERYONE on the train knows what a dumb dumb you are. You slept through Hoyt, and now u ended up at Euclid. Moron.

Well the train is moving. You hear keys jingling, and the conducter gets out of his little tiny room and comes over to you. Of course you ignore him. He says " here lemme show you on the map."

You pinch you little butt cheek to wake u, but no its really happening.

You finally get the G which comes after about 30 minutes. Game over.

The way back wasnt much better. "You took a shortcut" The D. You run for the D train. You wait for it. And wait for it, and wait for it. You get upset and start readin random signs. The one behind you says " No D train here today due to platform construction." Oh &*&^.

WHAT CONSTRUCTION!!??. The rats are hired by the city to fix the rails?!?

You are hot, sweaty and disgusted. You take the N. Local. Local is a dirty word. It means every 3 minutes is another dumb stop with a dumb name. You switch for the D after 45 minutes.

Ok you are almost home! woohoo. & hours on the train seems ok.

But you wait for theF. And wait, and wait.

While you wait there is a band playing some horible song. The lead singer gives you a hard stare. You hug the platform beam tight. You give him a dollar.

More and more people come. They wan the F too. You contemplate riding on the door. Its gonna be comfortable.

It wouldve been. Thats fo shizzle.